


I'm Low On Gas And You Need A Jacket

by fivesecondsofmae



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: 5SOS - Freeform, Anxiety, Artist Ashton, F/M, Lashton - Freeform, Luke has anxiety, M/M, Musician Luke, ashton's sad a lot, depressed! luke, lashton smut, they're both pretty lost and tryna do the best they can, uncle ashton
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-15
Updated: 2016-04-25
Packaged: 2018-03-01 16:27:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 20,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2779880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fivesecondsofmae/pseuds/fivesecondsofmae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luke can't hold down a relationship & best friend and room-mate Calum keeps telling him to go for someone more like him - a dreamer. So what happens when their new neighbours move in and Luke finally finds someone he wants to stick around for? Can Ashton find the support he so desperately would like in the nice but cocky blonde? Or will he find more. Rated M for later chapters</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Look, all I’m saying is, why don’t you date guys that you actually have stuff in common with?” Calum asked his tall blonde flatmate as they carried shopping bags up to the second floor of their apartment block. “What about that musician that lives on the fourth floor?”

“The guy with the mullet? Are you crazy?” Luke asked dropping the bags on the ground in front of their flat while he tried to find his key.  “I wasn’t even born in the 80s and I think he’s still living in them”.

“Fine. But you know what I mean. Date someone who shares similar interests…” Calum spoke but Luke was preoccupied by the amount of cardboard boxes that were taking up the apartment opposite them. It had been empty for a couple of weeks but now the door was wide open, with pop music blaring from inside.

“Newbies.” Calum said just before a young man with brightly dyed red hair walked to the door, a plant pot in his hands.

“Hey there!” The man smiled widely, resting the plant on the floor. “I’m Michael, you must be our neighbours.” He extended a hand.

“I’m Calum” The brunette smiled back, shaking his hand. “And this is Luke.  Nice to meet you, man”. The blonde followed suit.

“You too.” Michael grinned. “Hey, we’re having a new house party later on tonight. You’re more than welcome to come over, bring your girlfriends, boyfriends, whatever. It’d be great to be friends.”

“Thanks. Yeah, for sure. Did you say ‘we’?” Calum asked curiously.

“Yeah, my flatmate Ashton is just driving the rest of his stuff over. I’m pretty sure we have too much already…” Michael laughed, looking at the boxes in the hallway. “But he’s a hoarder.”

“Where have you guys come from?” Luke asked out of interest.

“We’re both from Warners Bay but Sydney’s just a great place.” Michael told him.

“Awesome. Well, we’ll let you get on.” Luke smiled and his eye was caught by a baby grow that rested on the edge of one of the boxes. Did they have kids? Oh god, Luke thought. The last thing he wanted was neighbours with loads of noisy kids running around.

“Sure. Catch you later!” The redhead grinned once again as the two of them paced into their apartment.  

Calum and Luke couldn’t have been any more different really but they had been best friends since they’d met in pre-school. Calum was rational and wanted the entire apartment to be cleanly and tidy at all times whilst Luke was the messiest person in the world. The two of them constantly argued but they never fell out. Calum’s long-time girlfriend Allie came over a lot and definitely kept the 20 year olds in order. She was an aspiring actress and it showed.  She was flamboyant but honestly one of Luke’s best friends too. The three of them were in it together.

“He seemed nice.” Calum said as they started to pack the food away in the kitchen.  “And he’s a musician…I saw a keyboard case amongst all that mess.”

Luke hadn’t even noticed; he’d been too pre-occupied by the thought of babies crying at all hours of the night when he would want to sleep. “Why don’t you put on your best outfit tonight and try to work him out?” Calum smirked.

“For that comment, you can put the rest of the shopping away by yourself” Luke smirked right back but threw the box of oranges he was holding down and sauntered across the living room and down the corridor to his bedroom. The blonde’s guitars were lined up next to each other but he grabbed the one closest to him, an acoustic and laid down on his bed.

He strummed away, thinking about Calum’s comments. Maybe he was dating the wrong type of guys. The last man he’d dated had been a twenty seven year old accountant and they had had nothing in common at all. God, the guy didn’t even know who Incubus was. It would never have worked.   Ok, maybe someone more like him but the redhead, Michael wasn’t really his type and he didn’t even know if he was gay. No. Finding someone wasn’t his main purpose in life. He didn’t need anybody.

***

When Ashton finally arrived back to his new apartment, the door was wide open but there were only a couple of boxes left outside compared to how many there were earlier. The caramel blonde paced in carrying his painting easel and left it by the door as he looked up to see Michael standing over a punch bowl. He was only in sweats and had fruit and alcohol all over the place.

“We’re having a party tonight!” Michael grinned. “I’ve invited everyone including our new neighbours across the hall”.

“Oh, you met them?” Ashton asked, taking a seat at the island table and grabbing an orange.

“Yeah, yeah. Two guys, they seem nice. I don’t think they’re together though. But one of them was just your type.” Michael raised an eyebrow and Ashton had seen that look too many times from his best friend. Truthfully though, he really didn’t need to be crushing over anyone. He had so much to do.

“I don’t have a type!” Ashton sighed as he peeled the fruit, ignoring his friend’s eye.

“Yes, you do. You definitely do. You like blonds, skinny blonds.” Michael told him, grabbing the orange he needed out of the man’s hand.

“I don’t have a type.” Ashton said again but he did have a particular liking for blond guys, it had to be said.

Michael stopped laughing, his expression suddenly quieter. “Did you see Lindsey and the girls? How are they?”

Ashton grimaced. He’d been going to his sister’s house nearly every day for the past four months to check she was eating properly and looking after herself and his nieces. Ever since his brother-in-law had been in a car crash and had passed away. Lindsey had lost her love, the girls had lost their father and Ashton had lost one of his best friends. Ashton had been best man at their wedding; he’d watched the pair of them when they were children and when they had had children of their own. But now, his older sister was a ghost and he tried to do as much as he could, having the girls over a lot and taking care of them but there was so much pain hanging over them. He’d promised as soon as he and Michael had gotten settled in their new place, things would go back to normal and Ashton would help out just the same. Ever since Ashton and Lindsey’s parents had divorced when they were kids, the two Irwin kids had always stuck together.

“Same as usual. The girls are coming over tomorrow if that’s all good?” Ashton asked. Michael always told him he didn’t need to ask. He loved those little kids and his heart went out for them.

“Of course.” Michael tried to smile. “Why don’t you go put the rest of your stuff away and come be my guinea pig for this punch. I think you’re gonna love it”.

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

Ashton looked at himself in the mirror. Six months ago he was the vainest person ever. He cared only about himself. Of course, he cared about his sister and brother-in-law and the girls but he really was only interested in himself, in his looks, in trying to make money, in trying to get attention. Things had changed so quickly, he barely recognized himself. He’d grown up a lot. He was nearly twenty one, but looking in the mirror, even dressed in a smart white shirt and dark jeans, the stubble on his face and his tired eyes made him look so much older.

He was happy him and Michael had moved to Sydney finally. They had spoken about it ever since they were teenagers and with Lindsey living in Freshwater Beach, it was so much easier to be closer to them.

Although he really didn’t feel like partying, he was glad Michael was having fun. It had been a stressful time for him too and Ashton was glad he was enjoying himself when he could. He was fantastic with Ashton’s nieces and he couldn’t ask for a better best friend really.

He did the top button up and pushed back his hair a little, thinking of how he needed to get it cut soon, and paced out of the bathroom and down the hallway into the open kitchen and lounge area.

The apartment looked great now that most of their stuff had been set up or hidden away until they could find a place for it tomorrow. Michael had made the place look warm and the entire kitchen island table was covered in snack foods and drink.

“It all looks great!” Ashton tried to smile as he saw Michael grab a bottle of beer out the fridge. He just smiled and threw a bottle across to his friend. He wore just a black shirt and skinny jeans, barefooted.

“People will be here soon!” The redhead smiled. And as if on cue, the doorbell rang.

Ashton could do this – he could be happy for one night. For Mike’s sake.

***

 “Luke, get the fuck out of the bathroom!” Calum shouted through the wooden door. “It’s half eight already and you’ve been hogging it for an hour!”

“It is a process, to get me looking this fantastic, ok.” Luke grunted as he exited the bathroom in just a towel around his hips, showing off his lean frame and the v shape of his lower body. The brunette pushed past him and shut the door.

“Loverboy’s snappy tonight!” Luke half laughed as he sat down beside Allie on the sofa who looked stunning in a white summer dress, her long brown curls hanging down her back.

“Hey, he’s been studying all day.” Allie smiled sadly, she was always looking out for him. “Don’t be too harsh on him”.

Luke sighed. He knew Calum was working his ass off at college to get his degree in Engineering at the same time as working crazy shifts in a local bar. The brunette was the smartest kid Luke knew and he was exhausted most of the time. Luke really should give him a break.

“I know” Luke sighed. “How was your audition?”

“I think it went well! They told me I’d hear from them within the next couple of days so we’ll have to wait and see.” She told him. Allie had auditioned for a kids tv show and although Luke wasn’t that interested really, but he would always listen to Allie when she told him stuff. He loved the girl really, and he loved her and Calum.

Despite how different they were, the two brunettes were sickingly in love. If Luke didn’t know any better they’d be married within the next few years. He could see it in every exchange between them. Calum would go to the ends of the earth for that girl, and she would do no less for him.

Luke didn’t know how they did it, how they kept being so…good for each other. He didn’t think it was possible, for him at least to ever have a relationship like that with anyone. Maybe that was why he had stopped searching for it.

“That is how a shower should be taken. 5 to 10 minutes max” Calum muttered as he came out of the bathroom, in just his clean underwear. It was nothing unusual. The three of them were pretty comfortable with each other that underwear was no big deal. Calum and Allie definitely had eyes only for each other and Luke was definitely gay and would never get with his best friend, ever.

Luke got up before he even had a chance to see Allie’s eyes look the brunette man up and down. That was his cue to leave the lovebirds.

“I’m going to get ready…” Luke left them to look at each other while he sauntered to his room and threw on skinny jeans and a navy button down shirt. He’d left the door open and his eye caught a glance of the two brunettes kissing; softly, as if they had all the time in the world.

No, Luke would never have a relationship like that.

***

 “Ok, let’s just go for a bit and then we can leave and order in pizza ok.” Luke told Allie and Calum as the three of them stood waiting for the door across the hall to open. When it did, they were welcomed by Michael and introduced Allie accordingly. He ushered them in and the place was busy. They’d never been into this flat but it looked great and there was a balcony area through sliding doors over the back which Calum and Luke’s apartment also had. Only one person stood outside but Luke couldn’t really see them, just a shape.

Michael introduced them to his friends and offered them all drinks, a huge smile on his face. Luke didn’t think he’d ever seen someone so bubbly. He took a cup of the fruity punch Michael offered and asked if he was ok to smoke out on the balcony. The redhead motioned him across the room and Luke was quick to duck pass the mullet guy from the fourth floor who stood dancing with a girl. He guessed they’d invited the whole building.

Once Luke was out on the balcony, he closed the door behind him, shutting out the loud music to being just a dull vibration. He pulled out a cigarette and put it in his mouth, about to light it when his gaze was caught by the man across from him.

Luke almost dropped the cigarette. He was looking at the most beautiful man he’d ever seen. Lovely caramel blonde coloured hair with a strong lean frame. His hazel eyes were shiny with the reflections of the city in them. God, he was stunning. Tired looking, but stunning. And who wasn’t tired in this city?

“Hey…” Luke laughed. “Do you want one?”

The dark blonde smiled but shook his head, “No. Thanks though…” He looked at the blonde once more before turning to the view, resting his arms on the railing. “Are you…a friend of Michael’s?” He asked curiously, without trying to be rude.

“Kind of” Luke answered, lighting up and taking a drag. “Are you?”

The boy laughed slightly, “Yeah…How’s the punch?”

Luke held the cigarette and took a mouthful of the substance, wincing as he swallowed it. “Fuckin’ strong.” He laughed, but it really was going straight to his head already. God, what had they put in this thing?

He just laughed, flicking a glance back to the blonde. Luke had never felt awkward around anyone really, he knew he could always get what he wanted, but there was something about this guy that he just couldn’t put his finger on. It was making him feel weird. And it wasn’t just the alcohol.

“Let me guess, you’re a model.” Luke took a drag and looked over the man, trying to diffuse the awkwardness he was feeling. The other guy smiled slightly but shook his head. “A dancer?” He laughed hard now, but shook his head again.

Luke moved closer to him, so their arms nearly touched. “Are you a ‘late night actor’?”

At that, the dark blonde clasped a hand over his mouth to stop himself from laughing. “No” He sniggered almost. “I’m definitely not”.

The pair of them grinned and Luke took another sip of the punch, in spite of its kick. Looked like he was getting drunk again. It was a Friday. Calum couldn’t really have a go at him unless Luke threw up in his room again like the last time.

“Are you having a good night?” Luke asked.

“Yeah, it’s going ok thanks. Are you?” The dark blonde asked back. It really did seem like his mind was somewhere else and Luke kind of took offence to it. He could clearly tell that this guy was at least bi-sexual if not gay and he wasn’t even trying to come onto him. What was wrong with the kid? Luke drank until the cup was dry and left it on the floor, aiming to pick it up again later.

“It’s ok so far.” Luke told him. The guy turned to face Luke for the first proper time and looked him over for a second. Not obtrusively and he pretended he was looking past him but no, now, just as Luke wanted, he was looking at him. “I know something that could make it better though…”

Luke didn’t know whether to be embarrassed but if the guy wasn’t going to do anything about it, he’d have to take matters into his own hands. Without a word, Luke smashed his lips into the other man’s. He’d only been there for five minutes but Luke didn’t care. This is what everyone expected him to be like. It was how he’d always been.

The man wasn’t pulling away. He was shell-shocked but he couldn’t stop this blonde man. But he did, eventually. He stood back a little, surprise evident on his face and saw the blond smile a grin. He had no idea what just happened.

“Ashton, I need your help-“ Michael’s voice was followed by the loud music as the door slid open. The two men looked at the redhead who was looking shocked to say the least. “I-“

“I’m just coming.” Ashton looked briefly at the blond, his expression unidentifiable, before he followed the redhead out, leaving Luke alone to look over the city.

Ashton. _Ashton_. Their new neighbour – Ashton. _Oh god_.


	3. Chapter 3

“Where the hell did Luke get to?” Calum asked Allie as they finished off their drinks. It was half 12 and they’d briefly met their other neighbour Ashton but he’d had to take a call and they didn’t see him for the rest of the right. He seemed nice enough, as did all of their friends, but Luke must have left with someone as he hadn’t come back to find the couple.

“I have no idea…do you want to go back to yours?” Allie asked, a small smile playing on her lips. Calum looked amazing tonight, as he always did and Allie was having a hard time keeping her hands off him. She loved him more than anything. More than acting. More than this city. More than anything.

“Yeah, let’s go…he’ll come home eventually.” Calum agreed. They said thanks to Michael and told him they’d probably see him tomorrow and to say bye to Ashton where ever he’d gotten to before heading out and across the corridor.

The apartment was in near darkness how they’d left it, apart from the little lamp on the kitchen island table. Calum held his arms around his love, leading her gently to the sofa where he fell down easily and rested Allie in his arms. He kissed her softly. So softly, as if she might break. God, he was so in love with her.

She looked incredible tonight and her perfume was so enticing, he didn’t want to let her go. She kissed his neck, and turned her body around to face him so she could lean up easier. “I love you.” She whispered.

He kissed her mouth hotly now, murmuring his love for her against her skin. His hands wanted to be all over her soft body. She crawled up into his lap and rested a leg on each side of his thighs, wrapping her palms around his neck, her lips attached to his.

She smiled even as she kissed him, feeling the apparent tightness of jeans. She grinded her hips a little and he moaned.

“You’re so beautiful.” He whispered. Allie kissed him like she was born to do just that. There was no space between them as he pulled her even closer, her skin hot on his even through their clothing. 

Calum moaned loudly when she grinded down on him again and before they could stop what they were doing Luke appeared at the end of the sofa.

“Luke!-”

“Dude!-” The pair of them shouted in sync as Allie climbed off him and fell into the seat next to him.

“Really? The fucking sofa! You guys-” Luke moaned, arms folded over.

“What’s up?” Allie caught her breath and asked.

“I kissed our new next door neighbour.” Luke muttered, not knowing what to do.

“I told you you’d get with Michael but you didn’t listen to me!” Calum almost laughed but his eyes were still glazed over.

“Not him, you moron! Ashton. Fucking _Ashton_.” Luke cawed. Oh god, what had he done.

The two brunettes shared the same expression of amusement but also surprise, and a bit of annoyance about being interrupted.

“Dude, can we talk about this tomorrow?” Calum tried to ask as politely as he could, even though he was still looking at Allie.

“Ugh, fine. You guys go fuck. Have fun.” Luke shooed them away to Calum’s bedroom and they couldn’t close the door behind them fast enough.

The blonde grabbed a bottle of Jack Daniels from the kitchen and poured himself a tumbler of it before falling back down onto the sofa. Why was he worrying? He’d kissed plenty of guys and girls too actually without knowing who they were…

But this was different. This was their bloody neighbour. He’d have to see him every day when he’d have to put the rubbish out or collect the post. He drank the whiskey and poured another.

At least he was hot. More than hot. He was incredibly attractive and Luke just wanted to kiss him again – if he wasn’t their neighbour of course.  Stupid, stupid Luke. He needed to get fucked, even if he was on his own.

When he finally fell into a stupor, he had the same dream he’d been having for nearly three years on and off…

_“Listen to me. We are getting wasted tonight ok” Nate told Luke as they laid down on the floor of Nate’s room, surrounded by bottles of alcohol. They were 17, Calum couldn’t stay over that night with them – he wanted to study the next day and didn’t want to do so with a hangover. So it was just the two of them._

_They weren’t official, but Luke was pretty sure he might wake up with a boyfriend the next day. Him and Nate had been kind of seeing each other for a few months, having been close friends for years. They had kissed and done some stuff, but yeah, they weren’t official yet._

_The boys would often get together and drink. Nate would always be the most drunk – always. He was a laugh. And Luke was pretty much in love with him. He’d not told the light blonde haired boy that, but he was. He cared so much for him. He’d do anything for that boy._

_They had gotten drunk, like usual. Just before Luke passed out, Nate made him look at him, even in his drunken state; he still looked earnestly at Luke, his eyes wide._

_“You’re going to have a good life, you know that” The light blonde smiled sadly. “I’m gonna be right with you.”_

_Luke smiled and kissed the blonde, softly. He passed out soon after…_

_…At half 10, Luke woke up. The house was dead quiet with Nate’s parents on holiday and his older siblings out for the last night too._

_When he looked around the room, he saw him, Nate, lying face down on the floor, in a puddle of his own vomit, his eyes wide open and glazed and bottles of pills lying beside him-_

Luke woke up already having a panic attack. It was nothing he wasn’t used to. After ten minutes or so, he managed to pull himself up and out of bed and went down the hall and out on to their own balcony. It was half three and freezing but he lit up a cigarette anyway and smoked the night away, knowing he’d get no sleep that night.

***

Ashton had woken up bright and early the next day and started the drive down up to Freshwater Beach a little after 10. He had no headache from last night – he’d not drunk much – but his thoughts were pounding with the image of the guy he’d kissed last night. What was he _doing_?

Of course, he – Luke - was stunningly attractive but that didn’t mean he wanted to kiss him or that it was the right thing to do – though he didn’t exactly stop him. He had kissed him back he supposed.

It was probably just because he hadn’t been kissed in a while.

Ugh, whatever. As he sped along the streets his mind kept coming back to the blonde no matter how much he didn’t want it to. When he finally pulled up at his sister’s house, he was glad to be occupied by something else until he remembered the pain of this house.

Lindsey opened the door and hugged her brother. They were the spitting image of each other and their mother. Lindsey had always been pretty.

“How are you doing?” Ashton asked. He never knew how she would be particularly feeling. Some days she could manage to say she was ok, but most days she cried, and did her best to hide the tears from her daughters.

“Fine.” She said quietly, looking up at her younger brother. “How was your house party?”

“It was ok” He told her.

“Good” She tried her best to smile but it was such a sad smile it broke his heart. “I’ll get the girls. They’re almost ready.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to come over today Linds? You’ll love the new apartment.” Ashton told her. He was always trying to get her to come out, to get some fresh air but she rarely wanted to. He didn’t know how to help her.

“Maybe another day…” She told him apologetically before going down the hallway. Ashton followed her in and waited in the living room, coming face to face with a picture of the five of them – Lindsey, her late husband Johnny, the two girls when they were much younger and himself.

Things were never going to be the same again.

***

Ashton had taken the girls to the beach for the day. He’d kept his eyes on little four year old Scarlett who played happily in the sand in a pink bathing suit whilst he held one year old Zoey in his arms. They were the most precious things in his life. Scarlett asked nearly every day when her daddy was coming back, no matter how many times Lindsey and Ashton had tried to explain.  Ashton was glad he could give the girls’ days like this, where they weren’t living under a roof of so much pain. He was glad he could make them happy for a while.

“Uncle Ashton!” Scarlett sang as she came and sat back down next to Ashton and the baby and held Zoey’s hand.  “Zoey told me she wants ice cream”. The small brunette girl laughed as did her baby sister who babbled really.

“Did she now?” Ashton laughed too. “I’ll tell you what, why don’t we put your dress back on, and we can get Uncle Michael to make some pancakes _and_ ice cream. How does that sound?”

Scarlett clapped her hands with excitement before doing as Ashton said and put her dress back on overtop of her suit.  She picked up her bucket and spade as Ashton secured Zoey back in the car seat he’d carried onto the beach. He rolled up the blanket and threw it in the bag over his shoulder before taking hold of Scarlett’s hand and holding a firm grip of Zoey.

“Can we take some pancakes home?!” Scarlett asked in her sweet voice that Ashton didn’t think he could ever deny.

“Mummy doesn’t like pancakes, sweetheart.” Ashton smiled down at her as they made their way up the beach and to the car park across the road.

“For daddy, silly!” She laughed.

Ashton couldn’t say anything, his heart would break again. He strapped Zoey in first and then Scarlett and drove the short ride back to their apartment. One day at a time, that’s how he had to deal with everything. One day at a time.


	4. Chapter Four

Once Michael had made the girls' food Ashton had put them to bed in his room, letting Scarlett sleep in his bed and laying Zoey down in a fold up cot. Zoey had fallen pretty much fast asleep after a busy but Scarlett was still awake, chattering away to her Uncle. It was gone six by now and he was surprised she was still so energised.

"Go to sleep Scar, we'll do something fun in the morning" Ashton smiled as he gently tucked the small girl into the large bed.

"But I'm not tired!" she told him, with all the sass of her mother…before everything of course. She was the spitting image of Lindsey.

"You must be, Scarlett!" Ashton sat down on the side of the bed, a hand caressing the little girl’s hair.

"Sing sing sing!" She grinned up at her Uncle and he could only comply.

" _I drove by...all the places we used to...hang out getting wasted’_ He had sung the random words to her so many times before, ones that had just come off the top of his head. She closed her eyes. " _I thought about our last kiss...”_

He sung a few more lines until the girl's breathing evened out and he knew she'd fallen asleep. Quietly, Ashton crept out of the room and down the hallway to the living room, where Michael lounged easily watching tv. He wore a smirk as Ashton sat down next to him.

"So…when are we going to talk about last night then?" The redhead laughed.

"Oh god, don't." Ashton sighed.

"Hey hey, what did I say? Didn't I tell you he was your type?! And how was it? Did you get his number?" Michael laughed but he really was interested on what the hell going on last night when he interrupted Ashton and their hot blonde next door neighbour.

"Look, he kissed me ok, that was it. Totally was not prepared. I didn't even know who he was!" Ashton defended himself. He really hadn't known that the most attractive man he'd ever seen – other than himself of course – was their next door neighbour. He didn't really care as long as he never had to talk to the guy again.

"Ok bro, ok." Michael chuckled. It had been a good night overall. They'd met their other neighbour Calum and his girlfriend and they both seemed really cool. They all seemed about the same age which was good. It'd be nice if they made some good friends in Sydney.

"Did the girls get to sleep ok?" Michael asked changing the topic.

"Eventually. You know what Scarlett's like, she's a live wire" Ashton smiled fondly. Michael grinned in agreement. He still remembered when he'd been at hanging at Ashton’s house when they were sixteen and Lindsey had rushed over to the family house from her them she was pregnant with Scarlett. Everyone had been so happy then. But now it was hard to think of the happiness when there was so much pain for all of them.

"You going out tonight?" Ashton asked, grabbing the controller and switching it to the baseball game.

"I don't know. Turns out Number 12 upstairs owns a bunch of bars across town and he invited us both out to one tonight but I told him we've got the girls…" Michael told him.

"Dude, you should totally go" Ashton instructed him. "I'm completely fine with the girls and this is a perfect opportunity to check out the competitors". Michael had been saving up every dime he earned to one day be able to start up his own restaurant bar but it was slow going and he really didn't have the money yet. But Ashton was right. He should check out others.

"Are you sure you don't mind?"

"Mike, don't be stupid. Go get ready!" Ashton pushed his friend until he got up off the couch and grinned as he went down the hall to his room.

A quiet night in was all Ashton needed after last night. He'd put a film on, check the girls were sleeping ok and make some dinner. He just needed some quiet.

***

"No, no don't go to work! Stay in and watch CSI with me!" Luke cawed as he grabbed Calum’s leg from the sofa. He'd finally managed to sleep and once he had, he didn't wake up until the late afternoon, having collapsed onto the sofa. He should've gotten up and been productive – written some songs or something but he just didn't have the energy. He often had days like this.

"Let me go man. You'll crease me up" Calum laughed as he flounced out of the boy's grip and patted down his white shirt and black trousers. He wanted nothing more than to do as Luke had said but he needed this job and couldn't afford to lose it. It was a nice bar too so he couldn't complain about it. He just had to get on with it. "Record the episode for me, ok. I gotta go."

"You're no fun!" Luke called as Calum left the apartment in a hurry.

Fine, Luke thought. He didn't need anyone. He picked himself up and wandered over to the outside balcony, lighting up a cigarette and looking over the setting sun. Calum hated the fact that he smoked but it was one addiction he couldn't quit, though he tried to smoke outside at least, so as not to bother the health freak.

He heard the door open and expected to see Calum forgetting something but was happily surprised by seeing Allie. He stamped out the cigarette and wandered back inside.

"Hey!" She smiled widely. "Nice to see you awake. You weren't when I left at lunch." She laughed.

"Hey you" He hugged her easily and smiled. "Whatcha doing back so soon? You know Loverboy's at work."

"I know. I came to see you! Thought we could hang out…order some take-out? Have some wine if you're feeling up to it?" Allie grinned, pulling a bottle out of her bag.

Luke just smiled. This girl knew him better than he knew himself.

***

"I should just go over there…and talk to him!" Luke slurred his words as him and Allie sat on the floor of the apartment with the tv on and wine and Chinese food in front of them. It was entirely possible that Luke was tipsy but Allie was fairly sober surprisingly.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Allie asked, leaning her head back on the sofa. "I mean, are you going to like, apologise?"

"I don't know…I guess. I just need to see him and…clear the air" Luke told her, sipping another mouthful of wine.

"I need the bathroom. Don't steal my spring rolls when I'm gone! I know what you're like." Allie paced down the hallway and to the bathroom and before Luke could talk himself out of it, he had gotten up and was making his way out of the front door and across the hall.

Ashton heard the loud knock on the door and was surprised. It was only half ten and if he knew Michael, the guy would be out until the early hours for sure. He got up from the sofa, in just his sweatpants and a tight black vest and opened the door to see something he definitely wasn't expecting.

***

Luke stood in his clothes from last night, hands in his pockets and cheeks a little pink on the threshold.

"Hey" The blonde started. "I just wanted to…say sorry? Yeah, sorry…about last night…"

"About kissing me?" Ashton asked. He had to admit he was pretty flustered right now seeing the man again, whether or not he showed it. Luke said nothing for a moment, just stood thinking, looking into the other man's hazel brown eyes.

"You didn't stop me…in fact, you kissed me back…" Luke exclaimed.

The two men were interrupted by a quiet voice. "Uncle Ashton?"

Luke looked over Ashton’s shoulder to see a little girl who couldn't have been more than four in her pyjamas, looking up at the pair of them. She looked so sweet. Her long hair up in tufts.

"Scarlett, go back to bed please" Ashton told her before snapping his head back around to Luke and saying sternly "Can we talk about this tomorrow?"

Scarlett ran up to the two men and wrapped her body around Ashton’s leg, looking up at the blonde. "What's your name?" She asked.

Luke knelt down to her level so his eye line matched hers. He'd never liked kids but she was the cutest little thing he ever saw. He extended a hand. "I'm Luke" The blonde smiled as she shook it with a huge grin on her face.

"Scarlett, it's very late" Ashton said picking the small girl up in his muscular arms. "We'll talk tomorrow, ok." His eyes begged for Luke not to cause a fuss and the blond did as he wished.

"Nice to meet you, Scarlett." Luke grinned at the girl before Ashton closed the door on him.

**

Calum sighed as he poured the last set of drinks of the night. It was just gone two and his shift was literally over - he could go home hopefully to his beautiful girlfriend and not just his hung over flatmate. He loved Luke like a brother but the guy needed some motivation for life, for anything.

He gave the group of girls their drinks and darted out from behind the bar and to the staff room, signing out on the electronic card swiper and said bye to the last few people milling about. He threw his jacket on and made his way out of the hectic building.

The first person he saw when he felt the fresh air outside was, to his surprise, Michael. The man stood in a group of guys, talking loudly. But when Michael spotted his next door neighbour, he excused himself.

"Hey man, how's it going?" Michael grinned as he shook Calum’s hand. "You work here?" He pointed up at the bar.

"Hey! Yeah, just part time. Pays the bills. Sampling the nightlife?" Calum laughed looking at how sharply dressed the man was.

"Sort of. Hey, are you going back to the apartments?" Michael asked.

Calum nodded. "Yeah, just going to hail down a cab. Do you want to share?"

"Great idea! I'll just say bye to these guys…" Michael went back to his group and said a few words before shaking all of their hands and returning to Calum.

They managed to get a cab quickly and Calum relaxed back tiredly into his seat. He felt exhausted. "Did you like the bar?" He asked.

"It was good…I was actually looking at it for research" Michael smiled.

"Research?"

"I'm looking to open up my own bar in the near future and thought I'd check out what's around this part of the city." Michael explained.

"Wow, that's very cool." The pale guy smiled. He had no idea Michael was the sort of guy who was into business management. That was different.

"Thanks…but don't worry, I won't take all of your trade away." Michael joked.

"Tell you what, if you become successful and take our customers just give me a job and we'll call it even" Calum half laughed. "It's not the best job I've ever had".

"Deal…what do you do with the other part of your time?" Michael asked, interested. He'd only had a quick chat or two with Calum and Allie last night at the party and they hadn't really talked about their jobs at all.

"I'm actually studying Engineering at university." Calum told him.

"Woah, awesome…so you're an engineer and a barman? That's pretty epic." Michael smiled.

"It's something different, I guess" Calum laughed. "Man's gotta work right?"

"Absolutely...well, if I hear of any better jobs around in the bar world, I'll let you know. Or if I ever run my own, I'll make you bar manager!" Michael smiled.

"I'll hold you to that".

The pair of them chatted easily whilst the cabby drove to their apartments and once they'd paid him and gotten out, all Calum wanted to do was cuddle up to Allie. They climbed the staircase together and once they reached their floor, shook hands easily again with a pat on each other's back.

"Good seeing you again, neighbour" Calum grinned as he found his keys.

"You too, man. Night!" The red-haired guy pushed open the door and waved a hand before shutting it behind him.

Calum walked into the dimly lit flat and found Allie and Luke sprawled out on the two sofas, empty Chinese food boxes and empty wine bottles on the floor in-between them. He smiled. He grabbed a couple of blankets they kept on the edges of the sofas, slid out of his shoes and laid one over his best friend and one over his girlfriend. As they slept peacefully, Calum paced down the hallway didn't bother getting undressed before falling asleep on the bed.

***

Michael thought about how random it had been to bump into Calum like that as he locked the apartment door behind him. He took his smart blazer off and rested it on the sofa before hearing the sounds of little Zoey mumbling through the baby monitor Ashton had left resting on the coffee table.

He quietly paced down the hallway and into Ash’s room to find his flat mate lying comfortably with Scarlett tucked into his side. Ashton looked so calm in his sleep – so unlike his conscious expression of stress, or worry, or distance. And little Scarlett was smiling as she slept and Michael wondered what she was dreaming about.

He turned around and saw Zoey sitting up in her cot, blabbering but not loud enough to wake her Uncle. Michael easily picked the little baby up and kissed her forehead. She was the cutest little thing and she had exactly Ashton and Lindsey's hazel brown eyes.

"Go to sleep, little Zoey" Michael sung so quietly. He looked around and saw Ashton’s favourite armchair, a green velvet rickety thing he'd bought at a fair because he like the colour, in the corner of the room. He sat down and laid Zoey on his chest facing him, stroking her fine hair and singing quietly a lullaby.

Michael smiled as the little girl and himself fell into sleep. They might not be biologically related, but he knew this was his family.

 


	5. Chapter Five

Luke didn’t see Ashton again until the next Wednesday, when he came up the stairs carrying Zoey in a car seat. The little girl was dressed in all pink and Ashton looked mightily fine in just a grey sweatshirt and tight black jeans. Luke had been about to take the trash down the stairs and outside but stopped in his tracks as soon as he saw the brunette man.

“Luke…” Ashton smiled easily. “I’m sorry about the other night- about just shutting you off like that. It wasn’t cool” he sighed. “Hey, if you wanna come over, we can talk…”

“It’s fine, I should be apologising…erm, sure. I’ll just take this down.” Luke tried to clear his brain as he went to the bins outside. Was this a different guy altogether? He was being so nice. There was another child? A baby. It must be another niece, Luke thought as he paced back up to the second floor. He patted down his checked shirt and skinny jeans and ran a hand through his hair.

Knocking on the door, Ashton called him to come in and Luke was welcomed in to see Ashton in the kitchen, whilst the little girl was sitting in a cot contraption in the living room. He felt kind of awkward as he said “It’s just me.”

“Would you like a drink?” Ashton asked politely and brought over a couple of beakers of orange juice, setting them down on the coffee table and offering Luke to sit. He did so, and relaxed back into the sofa.

“So who’s this?” Luke asked, feeling ok enough to make conversation and not expect to be kicked out like the last time. The baby was smiling up at Ashton.

“This…” Ashton pulled the baby out of the cot and rested her on his lap, facing the blonde. “Is my niece.” He pushed her hair out of her face and held her easily.

“Did she shrink or something?” Luke only half joked.

Ashton grinned beautifully but shook his head. “No, this little one is Zoey. Scarlett’s at a play group.”

“She’s adorable.” Luke told him, and he wasn’t lying. Sure, he didn’t like kids, but this one and the other girl were really cute and they were pretty quiet. The baby in front of him only babbled a little and even when Luke held her hand she didn’t make a noise.

“She gets that from me.” Ashton laughed, but gently laid Zoey back down in the cot. “So yeah, I just wanted to apologise about the other day. I shouldn’t have kissed you and I’m sorry.” Ashton looked nervous but Luke felt more comfortable now that Ashton wasn’t being so angry or perplexed with him. He couldn’t get over how gorgeous the dark blonde looked, as he sat up straight, hands clasped together.

“Seriously, I should be the one saying sorry…” Luke told him, frowning a little. Since when had Luke become such a sop? He couldn’t remember the last time he apologised for anything. But there was something about this young guy – something he couldn’t work out and for some reason; he just wanted to impress him. Luke had kissed so many people before so why did this one feel different?

Ashton, too, wasn’t sure what it was that had changed his mind about the whole situation, but after having a few days to think it over, he realised it really wasn’t as big of a deal as he was making it. At least he hadn’t slept with the guy. It was only a kiss. It meant nothing. But that chemistry Ashton felt instantly with the blonde when he looked into the man’s blue eyes, or the way the blonde smiled when he interacted with the girls – that definitely couldn’t be meaningless, not to Ashton. 

* * *

 

“Hi baby.” Allie smiled as Calum opened the door to his apartment for her. Although she had a key she felt more polite to knock, despite both Luke and Calum’s protests. Calum had finished classes early and had come back to the apartment to find the door unlocked and the television on but no sign of Luke. He must have gotten held up somewhere. But at least he had taken out the trash.

Calum wrapped his arms around the brunette girl and kissed her like he’d done a thousand times before, and pulled her into the apartment in a spin. “Hi gorgeous. How are you?”

Allie kissed him again. “Guess what?”

“You know how much I hate guessing! I don’t know…what?” Calum sighed but with a smile. He was happy, as always, to see the love of his life.

“I got the promotion! They’re making me head of the department!” Allie screamed excitedly, before Calum grinned.

“Oh wow, congratulations! Babe, that’s fantastic. Come here!” Calum lifted the small woman up and spun her around, kissing her over and over. “We have to celebrate!”

“Ok!” She laughed, tears nearly in her eyes. Calum knew how hard she had always worked and now she was finally getting her big break. God, he was so pleased for her. It’s one thing to be horribly in love with someone, but it’s an entirely different thing when your happiness, is based on their happiness. Calum was so proud of his girl.

“I love you so much.” Calum whispered to her. He kept his arms around her; she was his warmth as always.

“I love you more.” Allie told him, her soft brown eyes looking up into his. He was all she ever wanted.

* * *

“Wait, you were at Camp White Lake that year?” Luke was so surprised. Him and Ashton had ended up talking for an hour or so, realising they had stuff in common – they both loved music with Luke playing guitar and Ashton playing piano and drums, they were both into guys (clearly) and just now, learning that they had been at the same summer camp in they were younger for three years in a row.

“Yes. That stupid place.” Ashton laughed, remembering the summers spent there, in the middle of nowhere really. “I used to dread it every year.”

“How comes? I always found it kinda fun.” Luke grinned. It was true. Him and his younger sister Kimberley had always had good summers spent there, playing sports and music and making stuff.

“My sister’s a few years older than me and she always used to get to go and stay with her friends in a beach house because she was like eighteen at the time but my mother always made me go to Camp White Lake and I just hated it. I was so jealous of Lindsey.” Ashton half-heartedly laughed before falling silent. He couldn’t tell the blonde what was going on – it wasn’t his business to know but Ashton sure did feel heavy with it all. He was beyond grateful that he had Michael, his best friend, to talk to – though he tried to not bother him.

“Ah, I get you.” Luke only slightly noticed the way Ashton’s face became a tad morose and tried not to show how he picked up on it – he didn’t want to know what was going on.

“Have you got siblings?” Ashton asked, feigning the best smile he could manage. It was so hard to talk about Lindsey and not instantly feel depressed with remembering.

“Yeah, a younger sister Kimberley. And a half-brother Dougie, but I don’t see him much.” Luke explained.

“How comes? If you don’t mind me asking?” Ashton inquired.

“My dad thought he was winning by having an affair and Dougie turned out to be his prize.” Luke said without much emotion, except a bit of sarcasm. He tried not to blame Dougie, it really wasn’t the sixteen year old’s fault. It was the fault of his father’s and of his mother’s for taking the man back and having another child with him, despite the pain he’d caused her. But Dougie was a constant living reminder of how fucked his family had gotten, and the result of why he didn’t talk to his parents at all anymore really. He kept in contact with Kimberley but she was fourteen and it was difficult.

Ashton thought for a moment, as he watched Luke do similar until Zoey stirred and babbled again. He picked her up and held her to his chest, kissing her forehead like he often did.

“Anyway, I should probably get going…I’m glad we’ve cleared all that up.” Luke smiled, standing up straight and waiting for Ashton to put the baby back in the cot to see him out. “Bye Zoey.” He smiled, knowing fully well the baby did not care about his leaving. He felt kind of stupid, but oh well, it had made Ashton smile.

The pair walked to the door and Luke turned around to face the dark blonde, looking him over again. God, he really was stunning. He knew he shouldn’t have done it, but he kissed Ashton on the cheek. He pulled back, biting his lip. Ashton just blushed, before gently putting his palm around the blonde’s head and pressing his soft lips to the man’s. They kissed for only a few seconds, before Ashton pulled away.

“I’m really sorry.” Ashton muttered, in a daze almost.

Luke just kissed him once again, on the lips and smiled. “I’ll…I’ll see you later.”


	6. Chapter Six

Kissing Luke again was definitely not the smartest idea Ashton had ever had but he decided the next time he would see the blonde neighbour, he’d say sorry: again. God, what was wrong with him? Ashton was exhausted, as usual. But getting involved with Luke really wasn’t going to make anything better. There was just something about him that pulled Ashton in, this weird un-explainable magnetism that meant he wanted to kiss Luke for a long explicable amount of time. Still, he’d say sorry.

On Friday, Ashton didn’t wake up until midday. He’d stayed up late the night before because he could feel anxiety in him and knew that if he tried to go to bed early, despite how tired he was, he would just end up panicking and having horrible dreams. There were too many bad dreams. Too many dreams of his brother-in-law, and the car crash happening even though Ashton hadn’t actually been there to see it. It was all too much.

Once he hauled himself out of bed, he pulled a pair of skinny black jeans on and just a plain blue t-shirt and paced to the open kitchen and turned his laptop on, letting it rest on the island counter. He made a cup of coffee and started to work.

For the past three years, he had been working on his mother’s cosmetics business’ website. Mrs Irwin had hired someone to create a page but Ashton had asked her to trust him in developing the website. Ashton loved art and was a good painter and knew he could do a good job, and he didn’t need to be home at his mother’s house to do the work because it was all online. His mother often travelled to Adelaide for the company affairs, so it’s not like there’d be anyone in the big house with him anyway. She paid Ashton a decent salary and he was happy to be living down in Sydney, away from the house he’d grown up in. Digital design wasn’t his dream, but it was good enough, and that was another reason why Michael had agreed to move out to Sydney with him – they both had dreams they needed to work for.

“You’re up early.” Michael laughed as he entered the apartment with a grocery bag in one arm. Of course, he knew better than anyone the sort of sleeping pattern Ashton had, but he felt like a home with no humour was no home at all. And he had to do something, had to try and lift the boy’s spirits, little by little, as best he could.

Ashton just smiled as Michael came over and put the bag right next to him and started to unpack the fruit on top away.

“We’re not having the girls’ tonight, are we?” Michael asked.

“Not on Fridays.” Ashton told him, without looking up from the detailed screen.

“Ok…because I just bumped into Calum in the hallway and he’s invited us both over for dinner tonight. His girlfriend – Allie – has just got a promotion and wondered if we fancied celebrating with them. You up for it?” Michael smiled. He hoped Ashton would want to. His best friend rarely went out lately and he understood why, but Michael was worried about him and he was kind of glad there were young people, the same age as them, across the hall to make friends with.

Ashton saw the look of hope on his flatmate’s face and didn’t want to disappoint. He’d be able to apologise to Luke again at least. And Mike would have a good time. “Ok.” He grinned. “Sounds good”.

* * *

 

“Here’s to Allie!” Michael grinned as he sipped the cocktail Luke had made earlier, winced at its strength, and sat next to Ashton on one of the sofas in Luke and Calum’s apartment. The pair had come over at about 8 and had been welcomed in happily by the energetic couple. Luke, however, looked like hot death again. Hot, and Death. He just smiled across at Ashton and carried on making another bowl of punch.

Allie looked gorgeous in a pale pink dress to her knees, and sat easily on the arm of the armchair in which Calum sat, her arm around his shoulders. “Thank you guys! It’s a huge step up from what I was doing before, and it does mean more hours which sucks for my acting career, but I can’t turn down the extra money. Not when we’re trying to…”

The oven beeped to interrupt them and Calum jumped up, making sure the food wasn’t burned like the last time he’d let Luke oversee it. “If you guys want to sit down, dinner’ll be just a sec!” The brunette boy smiled as he started dishing up, Luke by his side. “You ok, man?” Calum asked his friend, who was mixing the liquid and fruit in a large bowl.

“I’m great.” Luke smiled back, his blue eyes looking only at Ashton who now sat across the table, smiling politely at his hosts.

* * *

 

After dinner, they all sat back down on the sofas to relax apart from Luke who went out onto the balcony, tea towel over his shoulder from grabbing out the apple crumble they’d had, and lit up a cigarette, breathing out into the night’s sky. He hadn’t drunk much at all really, despite making a large concoction – which Michael and Calum were enjoying very much. Both their cheeks were pink and Allie only laughed as she sat down next to Calum, wrapping an arm around his back so he could cuddle her.

They were adorable but Luke turned his head back out to the city scape view. He loved Sydney so much. It was the only place he’d ever wanted to be, the place he was born and raised in. He couldn’t ever imagine leaving it.

“Hey Luke.” The sound of Ashton’s soft voice interrupted his thoughts but as the man came and stood beside him, arms leaning on the rail, the blonde smiled.

“Hey you.” He took another drag before looking at the beautiful man beside him. Ashton looked as stunning tonight as usual. He was only dressed in jeans and a clean t-shirt but he looked a million dollars, apart from the dark circles under his eyes. Maybe he didn’t sleep too well. Luke thought of it as another thing they had in common.

“Luke, I just wanted to say…sorry, again for kissing you, again…the other day. I literally don’t know what I was thinking-”Ashton sighed but Luke cut him off, feeling embarrassed for the pair of them.

“You don’t have to say sorry. It’s totally fine…It didn’t mean anything…we’re cool, neighbour.” Luke grinned. He’d never acted this way with a guy he liked before – actually being kind and not a jerk. It came almost easy with Ashton, to be nice and kind, but it never had before. Not since Nate.

“We’re cool?” Ashton asked, eyes worried, needing reassurance. “You’re sure?”

“Absolutely.” Before Luke could dilute the conversation further and make some sort of smart ass remark, Ashton’s phone rang loudly in his pocket. He excused himself to look out over the view and answer it.

“ _Ash. It’s Lindsey.”_ Luke could only just about hear the voice through the phone.

“Are you ok? What’s wrong?”

“ _I just- I – can you take the girls please? I’m sorry. I know you’ve probably got plans but- I – I’m not feeling good tonight…Scarlett keeps on running around and- I can’t get her to settle down…”_

Luke could hear the woman cry down the phone and looked away uncomfortably.

“Lindsey. _Lindsey_. Listen to me, its fine, ok. I’ll be there in half an hour. Just, make yourself a hot drink ok, and put a film on for Scarlett and I’ll be there as soon as I can. The girls can stay at mine tonight.” Ashton comforted her as best he could before saying bye and turning to look apologetically at Luke.

“I’m really sorry, but I have an emergency…I have to go and pick up my nieces.” Ashton told him, going back into the living room. Luke threw the cigarette out and followed the man back inside.

Michael had had another cocktail and so even if Ashton was going to ask him to come, he didn’t – he just told him he had to go and get the girls. He started to stand up but tippled over a little. Ashton told him he’d be fine, honest, and apologised to Allie and Calum, saying thanks for having him before heading to the front door.

“Wait- wait up.” Luke called as the two of them left the apartment, the door shutting softly behind them. “Let me come with you.”

“No, no. It’s fine.” Ashton dismissed him and headed for the staircase.

“Ashton, I couldn’t help over hear. Please, let me come with. I can help you.” Luke pleaded, not even knowing why he wanted to go. It was something in that desperate look of Ashton’s once he’d finished the phone call. Luke could tell he was scared and a bit sad, as if he’d had to do stuff like this before.  Luke just wanted to help him.

* * *

 

Ashton and Luke sat in the front of Ashton’s car and sped down the motorway to Freshwater Beach. Luke looked over the man, a look of determination in his eyes. He had no idea what was going on in Ashton’s family and he didn’t want to pry, but there clearly was something serious happening.

“Is your sister ok?” Luke asked quietly, just audible over the hum of the engine.

Ashton flickered a glance to his passenger. “She’s…she’s just got a lot going on right now.”

That was all Ashton said for the rest of the journey until they pulled up outside a nice peach painted house, parking in the driveway. Ashton jumped out as soon as he killed the engine and Luke followed him up the driveway, a couple of steps behind. Ashton pulled out his spare key and knocked twice before going in, himself.

Inside, as Luke followed him in, was Lindsey, standing and holding a crying Zoey in her arms, swaying her to and fro, trying to calm her. She had her back to them and was in a pale blue dressing gown. “Scarlett would you _please_ stop running!” The light brunette woman called as Scarlett, the four year old in her pyjamas came running through the living room.

“Uncle Ash!” She smiled widely as she ran up to him and he kissed her head. “Hi Luke!” Luke ruffled the little girl’s hair.

Lindsey turned around, with tears down her cheeks, and saw the two men standing there. “I can’t get her to stop crying.” The woman who was the spitting image of her brother snivelled. Luke instantly felt sympathy for her. Ashton paced over and wrapped his arm around the woman, cooing her to stop crying and once she managed to rein it back, he took hold of the little baby and started talking softly to her. She calmed down quite a lot when he did that, until eventually she made hardly any sound at all.

“I’m so sorry for calling. I can see you were busy.” Lindsey smiled sadly. She looked so gaunt and tired and Luke wondered what the hell was going on. Of course, he knew having kids was difficult, but he was pretty sure people weren’t supposed to look as exhausted as the woman in front of him. “I’m sorry.”

“Lindsey, don’t be silly. I told you to call whenever…this is my friend, Luke.” Ashton laid Zoey in her basket seat which was on the floor of the messy room where toys laid everywhere.

“Hi…” Lindsey tried to smile up at him and he did his best to smile back, but he knew she was incredibly tired and probably didn’t really care about making an acquaintance.

Ashton gathered up the girls’ stuff and packed an overnight bag for them, before strapping Zoey into a car seat. Luke did his best to help and told Scarlett to sit down so he could do her shoes up for her. God, she had tiny feet. Luke wondered if this was genuinely how small all kids’ feet were.

“Scar, say bye to mummy. You’re going to stay with me tonight, ok, sweetheart?” Ashton smiled down at the little girl. Scarlett ran over to her mum and Lindsey hugged her tightly before letting her go. “Luke, can you just stay here with the girls’ for a second?”

As soon as Luke nodded, Ashton led Lindsey up the staircase and to her room, tucking her gently in her bed despite her consistent asking him if everything was ok and sorry and thank you. Ashton kissed her head softly and left her to sleep, if she could. God knows she needed it.

They clambered into the car after locking the front door behind them and Ashton fitted the car seat with a now sleeping Zoey in, into the back seat. Scarlett however, was still awake, even at half ten as they started to drive back. She insisted on wanting to sit with Luke, her new friend, but Ashton was stern as he buckled her into the seat next to her little sister. 

It didn’t take long before the motion of the car and the dark night’s sky outside sent Scarlett into a sleep and Ashton checked in the rear view mirror to make sure she was ok.

“Thank you.” Ashton started once they saw the sign for Sydney. “For helping out back there…My sister’s…not coping too well at the moment.”

Luke could feel a crack in Ashton’s voice and sensed his heavy tone. He didn’t know what to ask really, but he had to say something. Ashton could almost sense this and so he started to try and explain.

“Lindsey’s husband – Johnny- he was my best friend, other than Michael of course. But, the guy was a part of our family…when my parents divorced, they both threw themselves into their work, you know, so it was basically just me and Lindsey, and Johnny…He was the nicest guy, and he looked after us…They were childhood sweethearts…and they got married, had the girls…were living a totally normal life…and then one day, four months ago…John goes out in his car and he doesn’t come home again…Collides front on with another car – both are wrecked but the people into the other car survive…a few cuts and bruises, but Johnny- Johnny dies on impact. Just like that. Gone. And suddenly, I’ve lost my friend – my _brother_. Lindsey’s lost her husband and Scarlett and Zoey are never going to see their father again…Just. Like. That.”

Ashton did his absolute best not to cry, especially not in front of Luke, but talking about it, he couldn’t stop himself. Luke wore an expression of absolute sadness. He couldn’t even imagine the pain Ashton must have been going through. But actually, he could. He knew what it was like to lose his loved one, without getting a chance to say goodbye. Luke knew that pain exactly.

“Pull over, Ashton.” Ashton did so without arguing and pulled into a layby, checking again on the girls before he got out of the car and Luke did similar. Luke walked around the side of the car and pulled Ashton into a hug, letting the boy cry into the crook of his neck. He’d not had someone have this amount of trust in him for a while. Maybe Luke had been selfish. Maybe not everything was about him and he wasn’t the only one dealing with ghosts. Maybe, the point of his existence was to feel something, to feel empathy and sympathy not for himself, but for someone like the man holding onto him – for someone like Ashton.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am soooooo sorry bot not updating in so fucking long. thanks to everyone whose still reading this. i love you

Michael, Calum, and Allie were still laughing and chatting and considerably more drunk by the time Ashton and Luke had bought the girls back so Luke offered to help Ashton put them to bed, laying Zoey down in the cot in Ashton’s room and laying Scarlett down like normal, in her Uncle’s bed.

“Shall I make you a hot drink?” Luke asked as they shut the door quietly and paced back to the kitchen and living room. Ashton was dry eyed now and felt a little embarrassed at crying in front of the guy he’d only known for a week, but for some reason he couldn’t explain, there was a sense of comfort he managed to find in the blonde.

Luke put the kettle on and grabbed a couple of mugs and found a jar of hot chocolate. Ashton had laid down on the sofa and when Luke looked over at him; he was fast asleep, obviously worn out from the emotional outburst earlier. Luke smiled at the sight of him, and not feeling like interrupting his friends across the hall, sat down beside Ashton and leaned on the man for comfort, before falling into a sleep himself.

* * *

 

When Michael eventually woke up the next day, he felt completely disorientated. The sunlight was shining through the windows but he definitely was not in his and Ashton’s apartment. He looked around and remembered he was in Luke and Calum’s place and must’ve fallen asleep on their couch. He laughed as he stood up and stretched. The apartment was quiet but as he looked around to the dining table he saw Allie and a brunette man who was tanned and wearing jeans and a checked shirt. He had incredibly long brunette curls, and wore a crucifix on a necklace. Green eyes met green eyes when he looked at him. Both of them laughed when Michael realised he had company but Allie encouraged him to sit at the table with them.

“Morning Michael! You looked so peaceful, we didn’t want to wake you. How are you feeling?” Allie laughed, obviously remembering a lot more of last night than the red haired man did.

“Pretty shocking.” He grinned. “Which means it was a good night. Thanks for putting me up!”

“No worries.” She smiled. “Oh, this is my best friend Harry…Harry, Michael…”

Harry was stunning, like actually stunning and Michael couldn’t take his eyes off him. And when he opened his mouth, Michael felt the blood rush to his cheeks, and maybe somewhere else too…

“Hello Michael. Nice to meet you.”

“We’re heading out to grab some lunch in a minute with Calum once he’s ready, d’you wanna join us?”

 “Sure. I’d love to. I just need to jump in the shower.” He explained, moving towards the door. “Back in just a sec.”

Michael ran across the corridor and into the apartment only to find Luke and Ashton snuggled up to each other on the sofa, both sound asleep. He didn’t know what to make of it – of course it was cute but, what had happened last night? Michael decided not to worry about it right now and hurried along to take a shower. In record time, he was in his skinny jeans and a Metallica t-shirt, heading back to the apartment opposite; being careful not to wake the two intertwined sleeping men.

Calum, Allie, and Harry all stood outside the front door and Calum looked as bad as Michael felt. The two guys laughed and easily shook hands before they all went downstairs. He was glad he was making friends with the neighbours. They seemed really nice and that was just what he felt himself and Ashton needed – a fresh start.

* * *

 

Ashton woke up as soon as he heard Zoey’s babbling through the baby monitor, but he soon realised he couldn’t get up because a warm body was leaning on him and he looked down to find Luke asleep on him. The blonde looked so angelic and Ashton wondered whether this guy could possibly be the same cocky and confident man he had met only last week. Could someone really be interchangeable like that? He was surprised when the blonde had offered to come to Lindsey’s house with him but he had appreciated the company.

Ashton was always scared when he pulled up at his sister’s house – never sure of the situation he would enter into, so it was comforting to have someone alongside him, someone untouchable almost like Luke. Someone who didn’t seem to give a shit about anything.

He lifted himself out underneath from the blonde and stretched as he stood before pacing down the hallway to his room where his nieces slept.

Luke felt the warmth disappear and momentarily forgot he had fallen asleep in the other apartment. He looked around and before he could get up he heard Ashton’s voice through the baby monitor on the coffee table. “ _Zoey, sweetheart. It’s okay, I’m here now…Uncle Ash loves you, Zoey._ ”

Luke felt a swell of emotion in him. How could anyone love another human being so much so that you could hear it in their voice? He had never experienced love, not quite like that and he told himself he never would. He cringed as soon as he found himself smiling over Ashton.

No…this was not what he needed. Luke didn’t want to feel anything, good or bad. He needed to leave. Luke stood up, pushed his hair back, and was about to head for the door when he heard Ashton’s footsteps and looked up to see the caramel blonde holding the little girl in his arms.

“Good morning.” Ashton tried to smile that Hollywood smile but Luke could see how exhausted the man was in the dark circles under his eyes. He wasn’t fooling anyone, and he certainly wasn’t fooling Luke.

“Hey…” Luke grimaced. “How’re you doing?”

“I’m ok, thanks. Listen, thanks a lot for last night…for helping out with the girls. I really appreciated it.” Ashton told him. He wanted Luke to know he meant it, that he was genuine.

“No worries at all. I’ve got to go but I’ll see you later, ok.” Luke said, backing his way out of the apartment and shutting the door before Ashton really even had a chance to say goodbye.

Luke all but ran back across the hall and into his own apartment to find it completely empty, the plates of leftovers from last night’s dinner and a few bottles of half-drunk alcohol on the table. Clearly his friends had had a good night once he’d left.

He went to the bathroom and locked it though there was no chance of him being interrupted and ran the water in the sink, splashing it across his face. He knew he was going to have a panic attack. His body always did the job of making him feel a certain uneasiness – a sign to tell him he was about to panic. And he let the anxiety do what it wanted to do. He tried to breathe through it. He couldn’t stop the sobbing it caused. He often cried as a reaction to panicking, it was nothing unusual for him.

After twenty five minutes, he eventually left the bathroom and found his pack of cigarettes and lit one up as soon as he was on the balcony outside. Nobody could ever need him. Not like that. He wouldn’t let that happen. He could not get that close to someone again and fuck it up. He could not disappoint someone like that again. Nobody could ever need him again.

* * *

 

“Well, they seem to have gotten on well.” Calum smiled as Allie drove him back to the apartment block. Michael and Harry had barely noticed the lovers’ exiting even when they said bye. They were chatting away and really only had eyes for each other at lunch.

“Definitely. It’s weird how some people just click like that, straight away. Although it was like that for us, I guess.” Allie agreed, taking the turning for the apartment block.

Calum thought back to when he and Allie had met. It had been a mutual friend’s birthday gathering and he had fallen in love with her the moment he saw her, standing there in her glasses, only just seventeen, smart and beautiful and funny as he would be about to find out. That had been three years ago and he had never stopped feeling the same amount of love for her. Only now, he wanted to tell every stranger about the way she laughs at old comedies and is so sexy but still wants to wear a retainer when she goes to bed and the way she bakes bread when it’s three in the morning and she’s sad. He didn’t ever want to stop talking about her.

He looked over at her then, her eyes alert on the road, her breathing easy and a natural smile on her face like always. She pulled into a parking space and turned off the engine, catching only then the way Calum was gazing at her – as if she was priceless.

“I _love_ you.” Calum told her quietly. He didn’t need to hear it back; he just needed her to know that.

“I love you too, baby.” The woman grinned and leant across to kiss him on the lips.

Like always, Calum was lost in love.

* * *

 

“And where have you been, pray tell?” Ashton laughed as Michael traipsed through the front door at gone six that evening. Ashton was sat on the sofa overlooking Scarlett who sat on the floor, a colouring book on the coffee table in front of her. Zoey was on the sofa next to her Uncle, playing with one of her dollies.

“I went out with Calum and Allie and their friend and kind of ended up hanging out with their friend all afternoon…” Michael explained. “Hey babies.”

Scarlett looked up at him and smiled her precious smile. “Hi Uncle Michael”.

“I see…” Ashton smirked. “And what were they like?”

“He was…amazing. Like, so beautiful and so calm and funny and _English_. So hot, holy shit.” Michael exclaimed, remembering Harry’s northern accent as he had ordered dessert, eyes only on Michael.

“Mike! Don’t say stuff like that in front of the girls, dude.” Ashton cawed, covering the ears of Scarlett who was the only one paying attention to the redhead; Zoey was far too occupied by her doll.  Scarlett simply smiled up at the pair of them and Michael laughed an apology.

For a twenty year old, Ashton sure was strict sometimes and Michael knew it was just his way of dealing with the responsibility the young guy had. He knew Ashton never saw looking after his nieces at least four/five days out of the week as a chore, but it really wasn’t the best way to live and he couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen Ashton paint something or write a song.

He was worried about his best friend. But thinking about it, it had only been four months since everything had changed for the guy. Things had to get better for him and his family – they had to.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hands up if you want some smut. thanks for reading! xo

Luke had managed to avoid Ashton for a week now; looking out of the door’s peephole to make sure the dark blonde wasn’t out there when he needed to leave the apartment. He was so confused. Such a mixture of thoughts was going through his mind. He couldn’t let himself get close to the guy. He’d ended up sleeping next to him for god’s sake. No, he would be nice to him, he would help him if he really needed it, but he could not be what Ashton wanted. He was unreliable and he wanted to stay that way.

And now, on a Friday afternoon, just as Calum had gotten in from uni the doorbell rang again. Luke was lying on the sofa watching reruns of Frasier but when Calum announced it was Ashton at the door he tried to scramble his way to his room.

“Not so fast!” Calum called after him as he opened the door widely. “Hey Ashton!”

“Hey Calum.” Ashton smiled politely. Calum hadn’t spent a lot of time so far talking to Michael’s best friend who stood in front of him in tight jeans and a grey t-shirt but he seemed nice enough.

“Come on in.” Calum smiled opening the door wider.

“Thanks. I was just wondering if Luke was in.”

“He’s in his room – straight down the hall and to the left.” Calum informed him.

Ashton knocked on the door but when he got no answer he let himself in to discover the messiest room he’d ever laid eyes on. And sitting on the bed was a dishevelled Luke, apparently reading a book.

“Hey, sorry to bother you.” Ashton started as he looked over the beautiful blonde man in front of him. “I think you left this in my car. It must’ve fallen out of your pocket.” He handed him a post box key that definitely didn’t belong to him.

“Oh, thanks. I’ve been looking for this.” Luke said, taking it from him, ignoring the electricity he was feeling run through his body at the sight and feel of Ashton.

“No worries. How are you? I haven’t seen you in a while.” Ashton asked kindly, genuine care in his voice.

“I’m great, thanks. How are you? How’s your nieces?” Luke replied, suddenly feeling a little overwhelmed.

“We’re doing ok, thanks. Scarlett asked where you were the other day.” Ashton smiled. The little girl had become fond of him.

Luke laughed a little but was kind of shocked. He really did not like kids all that much but Ashton’s nieces were sweet and he felt pretty damn sorry for them. Ashton looked around Luke’s room, ignoring the mess of clothes strewn everywhere and empty plates and a pair of block boxers briefs that were right by his own feet, he saw an Incubus poster.

“You’re into Incubus?” Ashton grinned.

“They’re my favourite band.” Luke smiled as he got up and walked over to where Ashton stood. “You’re into them too?”

“I love them.” Ashton told him. “I often listen to them when I’m painting.”

Luke looked over at the lean dark blonde who was so attractive Luke almost couldn’t stand it. He just looked up at the poster. “You paint?”

“Yeah. I was at art school but you know, shit happens… and I had to leave but yeah, it’s what I do. I’m a painter.” Ashton smiled.

“That’s pretty cool.” Luke said impressed. Come to think of it, he had seen a few canvases lined up in his and Michael’s apartment but he’d had no idea they were Ashton’s.

Ashton just smiled. “I better go. Catch you later.” He turned to leave but Luke grabbed his wrist.

“Ashton, I…I hope you’re ok.” Luke said quietly, before pulling the man into a hug.

He didn’t know how it happened, but a second later the two young guys were kissing, hot lips on hot lips. It didn’t last long before they both pulled away, not knowing which one had initiated it.

“I’m sorry-“

“Sorry-“

They both spoke at the same time before Luke stepped back, giving them some space.

“I think you should go.” Luke told him and Ashton did exactly as he was told, shutting the door behind him as he left. Luke sat back down on the bed, the breath taken out of him. Why did this keep on happening? He felt exhausted even though he hadn’t done anything all day. He lay back down, needing a drink.

* * *

 

“And then you guys kissed again?” Michael asked loudly as him and Ashton pushed a trolley down the fruit and vegetable aisle. They had no food in the flat and decided it would be a good time to go shopping.

“Can you keep your voice down please?!” Ashton whispered harshly and punched Michael’s arm whilst still moving the trolley. “Yes, then he told me to leave…”

“God, wow…ok…so you like him then?” Michael asked. He could barely control himself. This was the first time in four months that Ashton had spoken about anyone he was interested in and Michael was so glad his best friend had something other than the pain to focus his mind on. And Luke seemed ok, and from what Ashton had told him about all the stuff with picking up the girls and that, until what had happened today, he guessed, made him sound genuinely nice.

“No…I…”

“Come off it Ash, I know you too well for you to lie to me…I found you guys sleeping together on the couch the other day too.” Ashton laughed.

“It’s…no…I don’t know. Hey, grab some strawberries off that shelf. They’re Scarlett’s favourite.” Ashton ran a hand through his growing locks and sighed.

“Look, you should just see if he feels the same way – which I’m pretty fucking certain he does from what you’ve told me – and then go from there. You guys need to talk it out.” Michael advised him, putting the fruit in the trolley.

“No, it’s really fine…I don’t like him that much. It’s just complicated. It doesn’t matter.” Ashton insisted as they turned the corner. “Anyway, are you going out with Harry again?”

Michael grinned widely as he said “I’m actually taking him out tonight for a meal. But he works late so we’re not meeting until nine. I can’t wait.”

* * *

 

“Where’s Luke tonight then?” Allie asked as she grabbed two bottles of beer from the fridge and sat down on the sofa with Calum. She’d finished work at seven and had gone straight over to Calum’s place. It was comfortable there. It was home.

“He told me he was going to Isla’s.” Isla’s was probably Luke’s favourite bar and was just around the corner so when it was messy at the end of the night, he never had to worry about getting a cab home. He had gone early but Calum and Allie both knew he’d be back late.

“Ok.” Allie said simply. “I’m worried about him.”

“So am I. He’s been refusing to see his counsellor the last few weeks. I don’t know what to do because I can’t force him to go. He’s a grown man.” Calum sighed. He truly was worried about his best friend but he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what could make him happy. Calum knew the panic attacks were as bad as ever despite Luke trying to persuade him they weren’t.

Allie kissed the man’s cheek when she saw him thinking about it all. “He’s going to be ok. He’s got us.”

He didn’t say it but Calum wondered if they really were enough for him. Maybe he needed something more – someone more.

* * *

 

“Have fun, dude!” Ashton had smiled and shook Michael’s hand loosely before the man had left the apartment. He had looked hot dressed in dark jeans, a button up black shirt, and a few days’ stubble on him. Ashton was glad he was going out and having fun.

And now an hour later, Ashton was happily sitting on the sofa, his laptop on the table, glasses on and was catching up on the latest episode of Game of Thrones. It was nice to be able to be alone once in a while, when he wasn’t busy with the girls. He had rung Lindsey earlier and she seemed to be in the best mood possible in the circumstances. She was having a friend and her children over that evening so Ashton was content that they were ok. He’d still keep his phone nearby him as always.

He had a cup of coffee next to him and was comfortable in just his skinny jeans and a big jumper and got through a couple of episodes before getting up to stretch his legs. He noticed he still needed to move the canvases from the living room into his bedroom and realised he had not painted in a long time. Too long.

With a sudden burst of enthusiasm that he hadn’t managed to find in months, he grabbed the easel from his room and placed it in the living room, setting up a new canvas and rifled through one of the cabinets to find his equipment.

For the first time in a while, he felt excited, he felt alive. He didn’t feel tired at all.

* * *

 

Luke had turned up at Isla’s but as soon as he went inside he wanted to leave. It just didn’t feel right now. He’d thought all he wanted to do was get absolutely wasted and go home with a hot stranger, but now he was there, that was the last thing he wanted.

He started walking around the streets he knew like the back of his hand and ended up at the old cinema he used to go to when he was a kid. Every Saturday morning he’d go with his friends to see cartoons or whatever, but as he’d gotten older, he eventually stopped going there. It was a little run down but now showed some foreign films. He bought a ticket for a French film and stayed in his seat long after the film had finished.

He liked being alone sometimes. He liked listening to people without having to pay attention to what they were saying. But now, all he could think of was Ashton. He needed to talk to him though he didn’t know what he wanted to say.

When his phone showed it was ten o’clock, he made his way back to the apartment and headed up to his floor, taking the stairs two at a time. He hesitated knocking on Ashton and Michael’s door and almost crossed the hall to go to his own flat but found the balls to knock.

“It’s open!” He heard Ashton call. Luke opened the door but was not prepared in the slightest for the view he would come face to face with. Ashton stood in the middle of the living area, only in a pair of black skinny jeans. He was shirtless, barefoot, and wearing his glasses, his hair messy, standing at an easel with paint all on his face and hands. He looked a little out of breath, as if he couldn’t stop moving. He was perfect.

“Luke.” Ashton smiled. God, Luke loved that smile.

“Hey, sorry – you’re busy.”

“No, no. I’m not. Come in.” Ashton put his oil paint palette down and moved towards the blonde. “I was just…I’m sorry about earlier.”

Luke felt like he had no control over his body as he walked over to the dark blonde and when he put a palm up to the man’s cheek and he didn’t move, whispered “We need to stop saying sorry for things we’re not sorry for.” And with that, he smashed his lips onto Ashton’s.  

Luke couldn’t help himself; he moved his hands to the muscled torso of Ashton as he touched tongues with him. It was erratic and messy and hot and Luke didn’t ever want to stop. And neither did Ashton. He felt so free as soon as he started painting, using his whole body to create something beautiful and now he was doing the same with the most attractive man he’d ever had the pleasure of laying eyes on. He wanted all of him in this moment. Every part of him. It was as if he was drunk. He wasn’t controlling anything and that in itself was a freedom of sorts.

Luke began kissing Ashton’s neck, forming love bites on his perfect skin. He eased Ashton down gently onto the sofa and climbed on top of him, kissing him, touching his chest and wanting to touch more of him.

Ashton moaned. His jeans had tightened at the front under the feel of Luke all over him. God, this was a bad idea but he couldn’t stop himself. He didn’t want to think. “Take off your shirt.” Ashton ordered. Luke did as he said; kissed his lips once more before stretching up and pulling off his jacket and t-shirt and throwing them on the floor. Ashton looked so hot in glasses; Luke just wanted him to fuck him. He would do whatever the man wanted.

Ashton pulled him closer and kissed his chest, up to his neck and then his lips. The blonde man was making him crazy. “Are you…sure about this?” Luke asked, looking into Ashton’s hazel eyes which looked wild now.

“Yes. Are you?” Ashton breathed. He was getting so frustrated. It had been a long time since somebody else had done this to his body.

“It’s just a…one-time thing, right?” It pained Luke to say it but he said it anyway. “It doesn’t mean anything.”

Ashton didn’t know what to say back to that. His mind was all over the place but his body was begging for it. “It means nothing.”

Luke stood up and unzipped Ashton’s trousers for him, pulling the skinny jeans off his legs and leaving him in just grey boxer briefs, his erection huge. Luke felt his body jolt. He knelt down on the floor in front of Ashton and pulled the man to the edge of it before palming him through the material.

Ashton whimpered and had to hold Luke’s shoulders to keep him up right. The blonde smiled, happy with what he could do to him. He couldn’t resist it anymore and quickly released Ashton’s dick from his underwear, pulling the material down to his ankles. Ashton’s eight inches were fully erect now and Luke wasted no time before wrapping his hands around it and started to move them up and down.

“Ahhh” Ashton exclaimed. “Uh” He stayed still for a moment, remembering how good it felt to be inside of someone like this. Luke made him remember as he swirled his tongue up and down Ashton’s shaft, causing the man to shiver, and then put his mouth over it, filling himself with the warm member.

Ashton wanted to die. He was sweaty, covered in paint, and now holding onto Luke’s hair, gently moving the blonde so he could feel more of the man’s mouth on him. He thrust his hips up and Luke could take what he could before pulling back and smiling up at Ashton, his blue eyes alight. He wanted to make Ashton feel good. He went back and took Ashton in his mouth again, and he loved it. He looked up at Ash’s face, screwed up in ecstasy, eyes closed behind his glasses, head now thrown back a little as his hips rocked back and forth.

For the first time in Luke’s life, he wanted to do something for someone else with nothing in return. 

He hummed around Ashton and with a few licks and the hollowing of his cheeks, the boy was cumming. His entire body shook as he thrust up once more before lying back on the sofa, trying to breathe. Of course it had turned Luke on like nothing ever quite had done before but he really just wanted Ashton to have fun. That was enough for him. He swallowed what he could before pulling Ashton’s underwear back onto him and sitting down next to him. As he wiped his mouth, Luke saw the most beautiful sight – Ashton was smiling so widely, in so much pleasure, and he was looking up at Luke. Luke felt his heart pounding at the fact that he had made someone so happy.

Ashton lifted himself up a little to softly kiss Luke’s lips. A hand went to the man’s buckle but Luke stopped him. “I just wanted to make you happy.”

Ashton look happily exhausted and fell back easily onto the cushions. “Thank you, Luke.” He smiled like an angel. Luke pulled the man’s legs up so they were across his waist and sat back, grabbing the blanket on the back of the sofa and laying it across the man.

“Hey, go to sleep now…it’s ok. You’re safe.” Ashton heard Luke say but he was already in such a peaceful state he just shut his eyes and grinned, not bothering to take off his glasses. Maybe that was what Ashton never realised he needed – he needed to feel safe. And in this guy’s company, right there and then, that was how he felt.


	9. Chapter Nine

When Luke woke up the next morning, he felt utterly confused. He was definitely not in his own apartment and soon realised, after smelling breakfast being cooked and fresh coffee, that he must have fallen asleep in Ashton’s apartment. He was lying on the sofa and when he looked up, he saw Ashton shirtless, in just his boxers, clean from showering, cooking in the kitchen. He pushed the blanket aside and stood up to stretch, still wearing his jeans and t-shirt and remembered what had happened last night. He didn’t know what the feeling was called but it felt good not to wake up naked for once, it felt good not to be that guy. He was too used to waking up with strangers who wanted him to leave as soon as possible. They’d never cooked him breakfast before.

But then he remembered, Ashton was his friend, sort of. Yeah, they were friends. Luke walked over to the easel and looked at the canvas. Ashton’s painting was beautiful – an abstract landscape filled with raw dripping colours of bright reds and brash purples. It was really gorgeous.

“G’morning” Ashton called over with a smile, he’d put his glasses on now and was standing triumphantly in front of a plate of pancakes. “Michael is the best at pancakes but I’ve given them a go. You hungry?”

“Sure.” Luke grinned. He paced over and sat down opposite him at the island table. The sun was so bright that morning, casting warmth over the entire place. Luke ate quickly, obviously hungry and remembered he didn’t have dinner last night. “Your painting is lovely.” He spoke quietly.

“Oh…” Ashton looked surprised, as if he thought Luke was talking to somebody else. “Thank you.” He gave a small smile, a kind smile.

“When I was a kid, during the summers my mum would take me and my sister to the art galleries in the city, because we didn’t have any fans indoors and they were always cool and we’d sit on the benches in the middle and look at the paintings…and they were so good, and I never knew how someone could be so clever as to be able to make an image with just their head and paint…it used to fascinate me.” Luke spoke. “It still does.”

Ashton grinned sadly. It sounded like he missed his family. When they’d spoken about them the other week, he felt sad that Luke was so distant to them. Though he knew what that was like – to not be close to your parents. Ashton didn’t blame him.

“Did you paint as a child?” Luke asked. He really was confused. He’d been telling himself not to get any more involved with this guy, but after last night, and now as he sat across from him, Luke wanted to know everything. He wanted to know Ashton’s favourite colour, how he drank tea, what his favourite film was. Luke had only ever cared about himself this much.

“Yeah, my grandma taught me…and then I just kind of fell in love with it and tried to pursue it...Art’s my favourite thing in the world.” Ashton told him, drinking his coffee.

“Who’s your favourite artist?” Luke asked curiously. He was going to tell Ashton that he loved art too. In fact he never told anyone really. But those summer day trips to art galleries really had impacted him and he loved looking at art rather than making it himself.

“That’s a tough question…but Monet’s probably my favourite…the waterlillies.” Ashton smiled fondly, as if he remembered the first time he saw the painting.

“Good morning guys.” A loud voice boomed as the door opened. Michael came in, a huge grin on his face, carrying his jacket over one shoulder.

“Look what the cat dragged in.” Ashton

laughed. He’d assumed Harry had offered him to stay the night when he checked Michael’s empty room earlier that morning. He was happy for his friend.

“Stop it.” Michael laughed. “Hey Luke, you’re over early.”

“Hey, yeah- I should probably get going-”

“You’ve not even touched your pancakes yet, dude.” Michael said. “I’m jumping in the shower. Catch you later.”

Ashton and Luke looked at each other for a long time after their friend sauntered down the hallway. There was an awkwardness between them, maybe because of the blowjob last night or maybe because they both felt really quite content on that lazy, hazy morning spent in each other’s company.

“Hey, I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to go pick up my nieces in an hour or so, otherwise I would say we could hang out…” Ashton said, finishing his coffee.

“Oh, its fine…I’ve got some stuff to do anyway…” No he didn’t. Luke would only go back to his apartment and smoke and watch television. He couldn’t even imagine what it would be like to have as much responsibility as the man opposite him. They were the same age yet they were so very different.

“Unless-actually no-”

“Unless you could use a hand?” Luke smiled. He knew Ashton didn’t want to ask so he did the decision making for him.

“No, no. You’ve got stuff to do-“

“I’d love to hang out with you and the girls.” Luke told him. Ashton smiled a little and blushed and Luke thought it was the cutest thing he’d ever seen. He was so used to harshness and roughness, but with Ashton, everything was gentle. And anyway, there wouldn’t be any awkwardness if the kids were there.

* * *

 

Neither Allie nor Calum needed to be up early that Saturday morning, and although Calum found it difficult to sleep in, he didn’t find it hard looking over his beautiful girlfriend as she slept with his arm around her frame as she leant into him. He knew she was stirring because she was smiling, but her eyes were shut tight.

Calum rested his other arm on her stomach, softly caressing her. He kissed her lips so gently she hardly felt it before moving his hand down to her underwear. At that, she opened her eyes and looked at him. She grinned so widely before she kissed his lips. That was permission for Calum to put his hand underneath the waist band of her knickers and easily touch her clit. Allie moaned at the touch and thrust her hips towards him. He kissed her neck and slowly pressed a finger into her to which she squealed with delight as he thrust them in with more force, making her moan aloud. He rubbed her clit again with his thumb and kept kissing her. He wanted to kiss her forever. And he definitely wanted her to orgasm before breakfast.

After a few minutes of this, Allie arched her body and made jerking movements with her hips in response to Calum’s relentless fingering. And with that, she came, her body spasming with ecstasy.

“You’re so beautiful.” Calum whispered in her ear and kissed her softly on the forehead, and then on her cheek. “I love making you cum.”

“I love _you_.” Allie told him, catching her breath. And god, she did.

After showering together and changing into clean clothes, Allie and Calum began making breakfast and sat up at the table. Calum loved mornings like this, when neither of them had anywhere to be but with each other. He wanted it to be like this always.

Scarlett had been pretty delighted to see her new friend Luke when he and Ashton went to collect the little girls and Luke felt a weird sense of comfort that somebody enjoyed seeing him so much. The two men had clasped the girls into their seats in the car and once Luke had gotten into the passenger seat and was in conversation with Scarlett, Lindsey pulled her brother to her, a little way away from the car. She had a strange look on her face, a sort of smile that Ashton had not seen for a while.

“So what’s going on here then?” Lindsey asked.

“What’s going on where?” Ok, Ashton wasn’t as oblivious as he was making out to be but still he didn’t want to tell his sister about whatever the hell was going on between the blonde man and himself. “We’re just friends…that’s all.”

They had driven back to Sydney and had arrived back to the apartment in good time, making lunch almost as soon as they got in. Michael had obviously gone out, leaving the place empty. Scarlett chattered away whilst Ashton fed little Zoey on his lap on the sofa and once they’d cleared everything up, Ashton put on a Disney film for the pair of them to focus on. Scarlett sat down on the floor right in front of the television, her hair in little plaits and sang along to all the songs she knew, while Ashton watched over Zoey playing with a soft toy next to him on the sofa.

Luke never thought he’d enjoy hanging out with kids in a million years but he genuinely was having a nice time. He hated when he used to be forced to babysit Kimberley and Dougie. They always messed about and Luke wasn’t exactly the best big brother. There were always fights in their house.

“Hey, I just need to go to the bathroom. Can you just hold onto Zoey for a second?” Ashton asked, already getting up and placing the child in Luke’s arms. He looked horrified by this sudden responsibility and Ashton just laughed. “I’ll be back in a sec!”

Luke just looked at the girl for a second, saw those Irwin eyes and opened his mouth to speak but was stopped when the child smiled widely at him. “Hey you.” Luke grinned. “You little person, hi.”

When the doorbell rang Luke made sure he was holding her securely in one arm before opening the door. Calum stood, a look of total surprise on his face until he burst out laughing. “What the hell have I walked into here then?” He grinned.

“Hey, only say nice words in front of the kids!” Luke told him.

“Sorry man…what are you _doing_?” Calum was kind of in disbelief. He couldn’t remember the last time Luke had cared for anyone other than himself.

“I’m-I’m helping look after Ashton’s nieces, ok.” Luke said. “What are _you_ doing here?”

“I just came to see if Mike was around but it can wait – I can’t believe it. You’re looking after a kid.” Calum genuinely smiled but Luke didn’t know why.

“What’s your name?” Before either of them could speak, Scarlett had gotten up from her space on the floor and stood next to Luke at the door.

“Oh hi…my name’s Calum. What’s yours?” Calum grinned down at the little girl.

“I’m Scarlett” The small girl really was the spitting image of Ashton. “This is Zoey.” She told him, pointing at her sister who was currently reaching to grab at Luke’s hair.

“Nice to meet you.” Calum said. “I’ll see you later?”

“Yeah, I’ll be over soon.” Luke nodded in agreement. He shut the door once Calum had said bye to the girls and Scarlett ran back to her spot. Zoey was babbling away and once Ashton had come back Luke quickly gave her back to him. Holding babies made him nervous.

* * *

 

By the time Ashton had put the two girls to sleep in his room it had gone seven o’clock and he was happy to relax. He really liked hanging out with Luke but he was relieved once the blonde had left that afternoon. All Ashton could think about was the image of him the night before, on his knees, sucking him off and it had kept Ashton on edge most of the day.

Now, he just made a cup of coffee and walked out onto the balcony for a bit, getting some fresh air. Over his shoulder, he looked at the painting he’d made the night before. He was pretty happy with it – it’d had been a while since he’d painted or drawn anything.

Ashton stayed where he was when he heard the front door open and was joined by Michael standing next to him. He had assumed the guy had been at the mysterious Harry’s.

“Hey man.” Ashton smiled easily as he turned to his best friend.

“Hey! How’s it going? The girls’ asleep?” Michael asked.

“Yeah, both out of it. How was Harry?”

“How did you _know_ -ugh, it was great thanks. He is such a cool guy. Anyway, dude, what was that all about this morning? Luke stayed over again…” Michael raised an eyebrow when Ashton blushed.

“He just, you know, came over early-”

“Bullshit!” Michael laughed. “Don’t lie to your best friend. What went down?”

“Luke on me.” Ashton said.

God, Michael was so bloody happy to see this side of Ash again. It’d been so long, he wondered whether Ashton would ever been the same again after his brother-in-law’s death. Ok, things weren’t going to be perfect, but they had to get better, right?

“He gave you a blowjob? Jesus Christ.” Michael smirked. “Oh my god.”

“Ok, whatever. It was just a casual sexual act.” Ashton tried but Michael was having none of it.

“Ash, you may be one of the vainest people I’ve ever known but sex isn’t just sex for you. I know that. I know _you._ ” Michael spoke seriously now, looking at his friend. “I don’t want you to get hurt, ok, promise me you won’t get hurt.”

Ashton wanted to promise him, but he couldn’t even promise himself.


	10. Chapter Ten

“So you blew him on the couch?” Allie asked as her, Calum and Luke sat around the dinner table late Sunday night. The three of them always spoke pretty openly so it wasn’t unusual, particularly to talk about Luke’s antics.

“Yeah, but it’s not like we fucked.” Luke spoke as he drank a mouthful of wine. Calum raised his eyebrows – he didn’t really see how it made a difference but it obviously did to his friend.

He was happy to see Luke doing ok though, and to see him looking after children peculiarly restored a little of Calum’s faith. He’d been surprised.

“So you like him then?” Allie smirked.

“Oh, I don’t know about that. Just because you suck a dick, doesn’t mean you have to like a person…” Luke finished the liquid in the glance and rested his chin on the palm of his hand easily. Ok, who was he kidding? Of course he liked Ashton. But he needed to take this slow. He wasn’t even sure if he knew how to let someone in. Not after last time.

Maybe he’d take him on a date, or just hang out with Ashton without anything sexual happening. Maybe casual fucking that he was used to was not the best thing. Although he did enjoy hooking up with strangers and facing no consequences afterwards, other than a jibe from Cal. Maybe that was what Ashton needed too. After witnessing Ashton’s breakdown the other week, Luke felt a hell of a lot of sympathy for him. He wanted to make things better for the guy. But who even was he to think he could help? Luke was no-one. Nobody needed him in actuality. Maybe he’d just give it a try.

“Luke, your therapist left a voice message on the phone today…” Calum said uneasily. “They said you missed your last appointment and arranged one for this coming week.” He didn’t know how to bring it up with the blonde without making him angry but surprisingly, when Luke answered, he didn’t explode.

“Yeah, I didn’t go this week…or the last four weeks actually…” He spoke softly.

“Do you reckon you might like to go this week? Just have a chat with them?” Allie joined her boyfriend’s efforts. They were both worried about him – for him.

Luke looked back and forth between the two brunettes. Maybe people did need him, or if not need him –want him. Allie and Calum were the only people who truly stuck by him. Luke was living off his inheritance from his grandmother and didn’t have a job, had a lot of personal issues and yet these two people, these two lovely caring people, still tried to make him better – make him be a better person. He owed it to them to go. He wasn’t entirely sure what had gotten into him. Of course, he was still depressed and he wondered whether anything would truly stop his suffering of that, but ever since kissing Ashton that first night his neighbours moved in, Luke felt different. Spending time with Ashton and being around the genuine love he felt for his family had shown Luke that not all families were the same. Every family suffers different heartbreaks.

Luke was surprised himself when he nodded out of his reverie. “I’ll go to the appointment; next week…I’ll go”.

* * *

 

Luke didn’t wake up the next day until gone noon and by the time he’d showered and gotten dressed in black skinnies and an old baseball t-shirt it was well past lunch. He’d paced around the empty apartment, Allie long gone to work and Calum long gone to his day’s classes, smoking a few cigarettes before heading out to go and grab the post if there was any. It wasn’t like he was expecting anything but it was something to do.

When he opened the door he was surprised to see Ashton just leaving, dressed in skinnies and a big navy jumper, carrying Scarlett in one arm and holding Zoey in her car seat in the other whilst also trying to carry a holdall. “Oh, hey, Luke.” Ashton smiled and Scarlett did similar, waving to the blonde.

“Hey! You all right? Do you need a hand? Let me take something for you…” Luke offered and was a bit taken aback when Ashton passed Scarlett over into his hold so he could handle the bag better.

“Thanks. I’m just taking the girls back.” Ashton explained. The two men carried the children down the flights of stairs and across the parking lot to where Ashton’s car sat idle. As Ashton strapped them both in, he asked what Luke was doing with himself that day.

“Nothing, really.” Luke told him, trying to get up the courage to ask him if he wanted to go for pizza or something.

“Do you fancy a ride? If you’ve got nothing to do like…There’s actually something I wanted to show you, but it’s in Freshwater Beach.” Ashton asked him with a light smile.

“Sure, why not.”

“I just need to stop at a store on the way and grab some things for Lindsey, that ok?”

“Yeah, for sure.”

Once they pulled up at the big supermarket a few streets away, they worked quickly to unbuckle the children and carry them as they had done before. The weather was boiling and Ashton didn’t want the kids to be in the car any longer than they had to. Ashton put Zoey in the seat of the trolley and asked Luke to keep a hold of Scarlett otherwise she’d literally run to where the candy was. So as they were, they walked around and got the bits and pieces and eventually joined one of the long queues at the tills.

In front of them was a middle aged woman with bouncing blonde curls and a curvy figure. She smiled easily as Scarlett started talking to Luke.

“Please can we get some candy?” Scarlett asked him, tapping on his chest where she could easily reach.

“You don’t want too much sugar Scarlett, it’s bad for your teeth!” Luke told her whilst Ashton’s attention was taken by Zoey.

“My grandkids are just the same.” The woman in front laughed. “How old are your little ones?” She grinned happily.

Luke practically froze and quickly looked to Ashton who was now looking at them. “Zoey here is 14 months old and Scarlett is four.” He told her quickly.

“Oh, how sweet.” She spoke kindly when she said “It’s so nice to see two young men having a family. I think gay parents often make the best parents, you know.”

“Oh, we’re not-” Luke’s eyes shot open wide with embarrassment.

“Oh, it’s my turn”.  The woman grinned as the cashier called her up. “You two men have a nice day. Your children are beautiful. Remember, its love that keeps a family together, not blood.”

Before Luke or Ashton could say a thing, the nice woman had gone and Luke could feel his cheeks gone bright red. He definitely did not think he looked like daddy material. When he looked at Ashton, the man just laughed awkwardly and told Scarlett that her mum had enough candy at home. The whole interaction kind of warmed Luke’s shattered heart.

* * *

 

“Wow.” Luke said as Ashton led him into possibly the biggest record store he’d ever seen. They had dropped the girls off at their mother’s and Lindsey had looked pretty well, Ashton said as they drove a little while until they reached the store. This was what Ashton had wanted to show him.

“It’s pretty cool, right? They literally sell everything here…” Ashton showed his teeth as he watched the blonde’s face light up at the sight of so much music. “I thought you’d like it.”

They spent nearly two hours in there altogether by the time Luke had rifled through all the records and ended up buying a couple. He had a record player in his room and couldn’t wait to listen to what he’d bought.

They’d driven back to Sydney happily listening to the radio and enjoying the sun beating down and both Luke and Ashton simultaneously, felt happier than they’d felt in quite a while. With the beautiful weather and spending time just hanging out, they both secretly felt kind of amazing.

* * *

 

Michael had found it - literally, the perfect place to make his business. He’d discovered an un-used corner building a few blocks away from the apartments that had once been a diner many years ago. Michael could picture it now, a classic American bar. He’d called the owners on the number advertised and had arranged a meeting to discuss it.

Everything was going well and he loved Sydney. Sure, he missed his family, but he had Ashton and the girls and he’d become decent friends with Calum and Allie and of course, he’d met Harry.

He wasn’t sure whether one could fall in love so quickly, but he legitimately felt he had fallen head over heels for the beautiful man. He wanted Ashton to meet him. Maybe he should organise a little get-together. Yeah, that’d be perfect, with his neighbours and Harry.

He’d arrived back to the apartment just gone six but had found it empty. He hoped Ashton was ok. He’d seemed a little lighter lately, and Michael didn’t know whether it was because of the fresh air or because of Luke. He just wanted him to be OK.

* * *

 

Luke and Ashton had ended up in the old cinema Luke frequently went to and watched a German film. They sat closely but never touched and Luke felt a contentedness wash over him. He’d never felt like this before. And he couldn’t describe the feeling. Only that when he inhaled, it felt like his body truly wanted him to survive and when he exhaled, it was his body reminding him it was good to live and it was good to live around this dark blonde man. Ashton was good for him. Ashton, right there and then, was keeping him alive.

They drove back with all the time in the world and once walked to their apartment floor, stood chatting for a long time in the middle of the corridor.

“Today was really good…Thanks for showing me your record store.” Luke smiled as he lifted the big bag in his arm that contained his purchases.

“My pleasure, thanks for showing me your cinema.” Ashton told him, eyes glazing over the blonde. Without warning, the pair of them locked lips, gently, as if the night belonged to them alone. It was a soft kiss, not rushed and not of force. Just sweet.

After a few seconds, they pulled themselves apart and James nodded his head with a smile. “Goodnight, Luke.”

“Night, Ash.” Luke said a little dazed from the kiss. He watched as Ashton grinned easily before opening his door and going inside.

Feeling like he was floating, Luke unlocked his own door and paced down to his room, immediately turning on his record player and finding the record in the bag that he wanted, he put it on and laid down on his bed and just listened…

 _‘Oh there been times that I thought I couldn't last for long_ __  
But now I think I'm able to carry on  
It's been a long, a long time coming  
But I know a change gonna come, oh yes it will’   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The record is ‘A Change Is Gonna Come’ 1963 by Sam Cooke- it’s a wonderful song so check it out if you’re feeling like doing so. Thank you for all your kudos and if you've commented. I love getting comments so much! Let me know if you enjoyed this chapter! thank you xo


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